These walls weren't meant to keep people out

Did you ever experience something that made you feel less worthy? Something that made you cry at 3 in the morning questioning yourself why are you the way that you are? Or even blaming that one thing you did 3 years ago on a Monday afternoon and wishing that if you could just turn back time you would do the exact opposite? You ever meet that person, that time bomb, that completely and tremendously turned your world upside down? I did.

The last time I let my guard down for something was out of love, out of the rational thing, out of my league. He came to me so fast that he crashed into me like waves. He was uncontrollable, yet pleasing to the eyes. His words were sweet, like any other teenage girl would describe them. His actions made me melt, and I gave in so quickly I had no other choice but to go with it. I was in love, or at least I thought I was.

3 years later I look at that moment as a scar. Like something that I would never do, ever again. It was intensely traumatic that it changed the way I see the world. I built up these walls not to keep people out, but to keep me safe. Everything was at peace, and the thought of bringing those walls down, never came into my mind, not even once. I was in control of everything. I was above everything, & I liked the view from the top.

Little did I know that these walls that were supposed to keep me safe, isolated me from the wonders that I have yet to experience. I thought I had it all. Gambling with affection and the lies that came with it. The sense of dominance I had when I was leading people on. Those nights of endless numbness, that I thought was strength. I was insane to think that that was the way I was supposed to see the world. Wrong was an understatement.

This guy came, no, this knight came, destroying my walls down. It was petrifying, but it somehow soothed the crying girl inside me. The first time the light touched the ground I was terrified. "Fuck, you ruined everything." But as soon as the light scattered on those shattered pieces, I realized how beautiful it was. He made me realize my self-worth. I fell in love, not with him, but with the way I see the world whenever he's around.

He was another time bomb. But this time, I was willing to take the risk of him exploding in my arms. And when you find that certain person, whether it be a knight or a king, never let him go.

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