Tired

I've been busy with a lot of things the past few months. I hate how school has the power to literally take over my life. I hate how it effortlessly takes away the time I am supposed to be spending with my family, my friends and the things I love the most. I hate that when it comes to school, I have no other choice but to deal with it, BECAUSE IT IS FOR MY FUTURE. The tiring days and sleepless nights seem to have no end. The anxiety of me not fulfilling my hopes and dreams is what keeps me up at night. The thought of me not becoming a CPA on a well-established firm, pursuing my blogging career by getting featured at concert magazines, and travelling the world doing volunteer missions is just devastating. I need to do everything I wrote on my bucket list and I do not know if school will take me there. I know it is part of the system and I know that I need a degree to do what I love, but come to think of it, is it really necessary to give projects and useless requirements just to learn? I mean I came to school to learn, not to be an emotionless robot that does things whenever and whatever it is told to do. School is not a prison where everyone is thought to think the same and feel the same and to do this and to do that, and you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that--but sometimes I feel like I am in one. School shouldn't make me feel this way, school should be the first thing to inspire me when it comes to my education, instead, it just depresses me. Making me think, "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH"? Someday all these will pay off. I know they will. Someday I'll graduate and be out of the system as soon as possible. I don't want to be gray, I want to be all the colors I've imagined myself in when I was six. I want to be the person I want to meet. A goal-oriented, well-driven, adventurous yet compassionate successful woman. Funny that after typing that sentence the first image that popped into my head was my mom, I want to be like my mom. I won't let school put me down. It's hard, but it's not impossible to accomplish. All those exams, the retention grade and the deadlines are just illusions. The real world would be probably way worse than this, or so I was told. But I just need to drop everything for a while. I need some rest from all the chaos. I'll be fine, I can do this. I just need to take a break. I'll be okay.

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