An Open Letter to My 7 Year Old Self

The last time I looked at my reflection in the mirror and actually liked what I saw was when I was wearing my mom's turquiose prom gown that was actually too big for my shoulders and too long for my short legs.

Now that I'm 18, every time I would dress up and put on some boring clothes I would always compare myself to my younger sister whom I thought had incredible shoulders, and the perfect height for an ideal model.

The last time I actually went to bed peacefully was when my mom was reading to me this story called "Ugly Duckling" because eventually the protagonist found its way into having a simple happy life despite having physical flaws and being different among others.

Now that I'm 18, those pictures of me smiling on photo albums isn't the same person whose desperately craving for a peaceful sleep at 2 am in the middle of the night, blaming herself for why she wasn't ever good enough for her mom.

Why am I even saying all these things to you? I never thought I'd look back and actually be jealous of the life you had when you were 7. I never thought I'd be envious of how lucky you were to have a mom who noticed all your achievements every single day, a sister whose always there to play with you on plain days, an uncle who always supported your goals in life no matter how naive and impossible they are and an attitude that had no care on what the world thinks of you. You showed who you truly were when you were 7 and isn't afraid to punch a boy in the face just because he took your lunch box.Being you was the best thing that happened to my life because you were full of wonder and adventures.

I want you to know that no matter who you were before, I am proud that you weren't like me. An 18 year old who is insecure and fragile, and a ticking timebomb. A girl who is always keeping everything to herself because she doesn't want others to be bothered with her problems. A girl who is always trying so hard to impress others and meet the world's expectations of her.

Thank you because you will always be my role model. The girl who isn't afraid to try anything out of curiosity. The girl who did not depend on boys to feel that she was beautiful both inside and out. And the girl who isn't afraid to conquer and help the world, no matter how tiny of a speck she is.

#blog #18