When Christmas Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Anymore

I'd like to think that every little thing that I encounter everyday is caused by a series of events that happened in the past. Why the car batteries wouldn't work, or why I'd be waking up late tomorrow, or perhaps why some people would be working on Christmas Day. Why children would be singing in streets asking for change and why their parents aren't looking after them.

I'd also like to think that every little thing that happens in our lives is for a reason, that reason being is still unknown. Nobody knows why the sun rises at six in the morning and sets too soon on winter months. Nobody knows why every little thing people read off the internet is either too funny, or too offensive. Nobody knows why we fight against global warming yet spend our days inside our vehicles. Nobody knows why we celebrate Christmas yet we tend to forget the reason why we do. Nobody knows why we go to church every Sunday yet we go off judging other people for their beliefs that are too different from ours.

You see, before Christmas ends, I'd like to ask why I wasn't feeling the joy and the excitement I had when I was 5. The countdown before midnight seemed like the slowest seconds of my life. When the hour comes we'd spend the night watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. The gifts that were waiting to be opened for days were the things I looked forward to the most. The santa hats, the carolers, the lights, all seemed to perfect until one Christmas morning they just weren't. All seemed to pale and too, normal.

I didn't know why it happened, and what it was for. I cannot recall the exact day I decided that Christmas songs were the most annoying sound I heard in malls. I cannot understand why I don't get excited anymore whenever I join my friends for caroling around the neighborhood. And I just cannot think of a reason as to why I did not lend time for Jesus today. And I'm afraid I won't be able to find the answers why.

I'm scared that when the time comes and recall all the times that I spent my Christmas, it won't be as exciting as when I was 5. I'd like to bring that back, the life and the spirit. I'd want to wake up on Christmas morning still excited for those presents, and the hot chocolate. I'd still like to thank God for giving me such an amazing life despite forgetting about Him on His special day. I'd like to feel 'it' again. No matter what age I am. I'd still like to believe that 'Christmas' isn't gone yet.

#blog #christmas